Posts Tagged ‘commitment’

Sweeping Away The  Past

Stop and think about how much your physical environment affects your mental state and sense of well-being. Living in a messy home makes you feel as though you've put on an extra 10 pounds. Being surrounded by dirt and piles of clutter drains your energy. When your living space is out of whack, it changes your whole outlook — you feel stuck, irritable, just not happy with the world. And it doesn't take much for the mess to accumulate — I know from personal experience that a month or two of chaos will take its toll on even an organized person's home!

But when your home is clean, clutter-free, and organized, it feels as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You have room to move, to think, to enjoy life. Suddenly, you re-discover the motivation to tackle other projects — starting an exercise program, looking for a new job, going back to school, writing the great American novel. It's amazing what just tidying up your home can help you accomplish! I firmly believe that everyone should plan at least two good top-to-bottom cleanings a year — whether you live in a mini-mansion, a condo, or an RV!

“Cleansing rituals” are common amongst native cultures as a way of releasing the old and making space for the new. These usually involve some sort of change in your physical environment, as well as a recognition of the attendant change in mental state — each action is paired with an affirmation of something that you're grateful for or something that you would like to welcome into your life. The shifting seasons signal an opportunity bring about a change in your energy, as well as your living space. Spring and fall are natural times in the cycle of the year for a cleansing — a breath of fresh air either before or after a long period of dormancy. I invite you to join me in my fall cleaning:

  • pull out any clothes that no longer fit and donate them to a local shelter — then take a moment to appreciate your body just as it is, in whatever form it takes — ask for health and strength in the coming months, and commit to getting in a little exercise every day
  • clean out the paraphernalia from any old hobbies that no longer excite you to donate or sell — take a moment to be grateful that you live in a society that allows you to participate in so many diverse activities — then pick just one of your many interests to focus on in the coming months, and commit to spending time on it each week
  • go through every room of your home, every storage space, and pull out any item that isn't beautiful, useful, or loved to donate or sell — take a moment to be thankful that you live in a society that allows such material abundance, and also be grateful for the fact that someone else will get a chance to use and love these things from your life — commit to cleaning one thing out every time you bring something new into your home from now on
  • go through your to-do list of “unfinished projects” and determine which ones are still important to you — give yourself permission to cross the others off, letting them go without worry or care, recognizing that you can't waste your limited time and energy on trivial or unimportant matters — then commit to a deadline for completing each remaining task
  • open the windows and let the fresh air flow through your home — take a moment to appreciate the beauty of nature — commit to getting outside at least once every week to enjoy the world around you
  • give your house a good scrubbing from top to bottom (including windows, floors, tub, toilet, dusting, mopping, you name it) — include all those “home maintenance” tasks that you've been putting off (like cleaning the gutters or checking the seals on the windows) — then take a moment to be grateful for this wonderful home and the people in it — commit to doing something every day that makes your home feel wonderful (fresh flowers, burning scented candles, a special place-setting at dinner, etc.)

Changing Your Mind(set)

I'm a veteran at figuring out precisely what I want, then getting stuck partway along the path. Wink At that point, ya gotta decide if the thing you thought you wanted is really what you still want — or if you needed something entirely different, and that's why the roadblock popped up in the first place. At first, you might have a hard time accepting that shift, because it feels like you didn't know what you were doing in the first place. But getting derailed or changing your mind is not failure. We've developed a counterproductive idea in our society that deciding to go in a different direction means admitting defeat — when often, it's the smartest decision you can make. As W.C. Fields said, “If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.” Knowing when to say no is a valuable skill!

My career is a perfect example of the winding, unpredictable, and thoroughly satisfying road my life has taken. I started out as a Social Worker, but hit a wall when I wasn't being allowed to fully serve my clients (and I realized that I was going to turn into a government bureaucrat if I didn't get the hell out of there!) I had to make a decision to stay and be miserable or walk away and do something else — but what? This was my “calling.” Where would I go? What would I do? It was hard, but I made the leap and started my own business (first as an organizer, now also a photographer and blogger). In time, that decision has also allowed my husband to quit his job, and for us to become full-time RVers — I don't regret having “quit” for one second!

My life and career continue to branch and shift (and I'll share stories about these changes in later posts), but my larger point is that being willing to say “no” to something that wasn't working for me opened up a whole new world of possibilities — opportunities that I wouldn't have even dreamed of it I had just “stuck it out”, the way we're often taught to do. That quitters-never-win-and-winners-never-quit thing is a bunch of malarkey!

Evolving And Growing

My sister once said to me (in a rather derisive tone), “Every time I see you, you're a completely different person. I never know who you're going to be from day to day.” Thank you! I actually take that as a compliment — continuing to change and evolve and adjust as circumstances in your life shift is the only way to grow.

I can't imagine staying stuck in one place your whole life — one job, one town, or one way of thinking. And while change can be a little scary, it's also kind of exciting not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. I can be anyone I want to be at any point in time — I just have to be willing to let go of who I am today to get there.

Given the chance, are there situations and circumstances in your life that you would like to change? Maybe a relationship that isn't working, a job that wears you out, 10 pounds you want to lose, or even just a pile of clutter that is driving you up the wall. Who do you want to be tomorrow and what changes are you going to have to make for that to happen?

Success Is A Trade-Off

When life doesn't go the way we planned, we become big-time excuse-makers — it's human nature, a defense mechanism. People often blame “circumstances” for keeping them from achieving their dreams. This is code for “I would have had to do things differently to make it happen, and I just wasn't willing to pay the price.” What they're really saying is that they didn't want it badly enough to work for it. Want to be president of your company? How do 80-hour work weeks sound to you? You can be debt-free, but you'll have to put a moratorium on unnecessary spending for a while (no eating out, no movies, no impulse buys) — can you do that? Do you want to write a book? It will only if you turn off the TV. Wish you were in better shape? Are you ready to sweat — every single day of the week?

It's like that famous quote about the world-renowned pianist. At a concert someone said, “I wish I could play like you.” The pianist replied, “If you knew what I had to do to get here, you wouldn't.” You can have anything (and I mean ANYTHING) you want in life, as long as you're willing to make space for it to happen. But most people settle for what life hands them, instead of going after what they really desire most — usually because they have a hard time recognizing their long-term goals in the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Knowing What You Really Want

The big question is what are you willing to give up NOW to have what you want most? It's easy to become shortsighted — with so many immediate responsibilities and distractions (delayed gratification is not most people's strong suit!) But when you fail to see beyond the end of the week or the end of the month or even December 31st, you're giving your future happiness a short shrift.

My husband and I have given up a lot of things — the huge house, the hot sexy car, and a lot of expensive “playthings” — because we have our eye on the bigger prize. Our goal is freedom — the ability to do what we want when we want it, to be able to travel endlessly without having to ask for time off, and especially financial freedom (which we define as having enough money to cover our daily expenses without having to hold a full-time job). We're looking at a longer timeline than just what we do for enjoyment “today”.

Our Story

In order to do this, we've chosen a fairly unconventional life. Matt and I both used to work for someone else doing the 9 to 5 grind thing until we started our own business. It was scary, we worried that we wouldn't have enough money (thankfully that didn't happen) — but we can work in our pajamas, and take the day off any time we like. That's freedom.

Our lives are not as “tied down” as a lot of people's. We have cats instead of kids (but we never considered not having children a sacrifice!) Tried homeownership, didn't like it — so we're full-time nomads, living out of a 29-foot Airstream Excella instead. We travel the country, stopping to “live” for a while anyplace that strikes our fancy. That's freedom.

Matt and I try to live frugally, because we don't want to spend our lives working to pay the bills. We have no debt and we refuse to pay anyone interest for anything if we can avoid it (which means we have to save up to afford each purchase — no financing). We only have one car, when we need a new one we buy used (with cash), and then we drive that vehicle to death. We don't eat out every day of the week, I shop for most of my clothes at thrift and consignment stores, and we don't pay the exorbitant fees that most folks do for cable or satellite TV (we wait until the end of the season and get our shows on DVD from the library or Netflix. And we put money away in savings every month toward our goal of financial independence. That's freedom.

How About You?

The point is not to say “ooh look at how great we are” or brag about our lives — it's simply to point out that everything Matt and I “give up” is a conscious decision, and we do it because there is something else out there that we want even more. Some people think we're weird and wouldn't want our lifestyle for anything in the world, and that's fine — everyone has to decide what their dream is and what they are willing to sacrifice in order to achieve it.

So I guess I would ask — what kind of life are you leading now, what would you really rather be doing, and what would you need to give up in order to have that? How badly do you want your dream to come true? Are you willing to go there, no matter what it takes? And what will your first step be? It's all up to you!

A Bad Case Of Indecision

You know what “waffling” is. It begins when you decide to get rid of that old waffle iron you never use. As you put it in the donation bag, you think to yourself, “But what if someone wants waffles?” You take it back out. Then you think, “That's silly. No one has wanted waffles in more than 5 years.” You stick it back in the bag. “I could start making waffles again.” It comes out. “I hate making waffles.” It goes back in. This continues for another 15 minutes until you go to the dark side with, “But I might need it someday.” You put the waffle iron back in the cabinet, to collect dust for another 5 years. Why do you do this? It's not because you are an evil and indecisive person. You simply lack a solid set of criteria for determining an item's worth. No longer!

The key to trimming down the clutter is being honest with yourself about what purpose that item serves in your life. If you can't conjure up at least one plausible scenario requiring the use of that green shag toilet-seat cover or dot-matrix printer from 1988, you may want to ask yourself if it is worth hanging on to. Try to provide solid answers to each of these questions:    

  • Why would I need it? (try to come up with one occasion when you would need that particular item again — what would have to happen in your life for it to be useful, relevant, and valuable to you)
  • Where would I need it? (if the item in question is only useful up north and you now live in Miami — or only useful in a corporate environment and you're now self-employed, why keep it?)
  • What would I need it for? (what purpose does this item serve? are you still involved with that activity? no reason to keep letterhead from an old job or tap shoes if you gave up dancing)
  • Who would ask me for it? (people seem to hang onto stuff because they are afraid someone will ask them for it someday — if it's the IRS or the police, keep it — if not, think twice)
  • When would I need it? (okay, you might need it “someday” — but when is will that day arrive? 3 months or 35 years from now? is it worth hanging onto that long?)

The Past Is Future

Ifyou haven't touched something in years, chances are thatyou're not going to use it anytime soon. Clothes and sporting goodsseem to be some of the worst offenders! It's natural for people to havea hard time letting go of the past. And if an old outfit or a bowlingball really means that much to you, put it away with yourkeepsakes. Just don't take upvaluable space in your active storage areas with items you don't use. Behonest and realistic about this one! At what point will the aforementioned green shagtoilet-seat cover be crucial to your survival? If you can picture aspecific, concrete instance when you will need it in the foreseeablefuture, then by all means keep it. “I might need it someday” isn't agood enough rationale.

What Is The Worst Thing That Would Happen If You Got Rid Of It?

When my clients are anxious about discarding an item, they are reallysaying, “I'm afraid of what might happen if I got rid of it.” This issimply fear of the unknown — uncertainty about the consequences oftheir actions. So I ask my clients to let their apprehensions run wild,and to imagine the absolute worst-case scenario. Will the world end if you toss outthat ring binder you haven't used since college? Probably not. Thisknowledge helps dissipate the fear and makes letting go a little easier.

So let's say you do get rid of something, and then decide thatyou need it 6 months later (my mother claims this always happens toher, as a justification for postponing cleaning out!) This isn't alwaysa problem. Ask yourself what would be required for you to replace thislost treasure. If we are talking about an expensive or hard-to-finditem, you are certainly justified in thinking twice before tossing it.But if it's just an old butter dish or an extra stapler, it's not such a big deal. You have to consider cost versus benefit — it may cost you more (intime, space, energy, or money) to keep the item than to replace it ifand when you ever need it.

Break Your Goals Down

Do you know why 90% of us don't keep our New Year's resolutions? Because our goals are too big and too vague and just too dadgummed overwhelming to seem practical. You have to make your dreams feel achievable, and that means dividing them up into smaller “mini-goals.” Instead of telling yourself that you want to “get organized,” try breaking that goal down into something more manageable — bite-sized and concrete. “Clean out all clothes that haven't been worn in a year” or “move all of the sports equipment to the garage” gives you a solid place to start — then you can move on to another small goal that will take you one step closer to “getting organized.”

You don't have to commit hours of uninterrupted effort if you want to accomplish a goal. But the greatest advances are often the sum total of a series of small efforts. When you're organizing, that means a drawer here, a cabinet there, maybe a closet. Once you have set your goals for the year, commit to spending 15 minutes each day doing something that will move you closer to accomplishing that goal. You will be amazed at how quickly you progress!

Create Incentives

The worst deadline you can set for accomplishing a goal is “over the next year” — too easy to put things off, no time frame to keep you on track, and too much room for slacking. Sometimes it's best to paint yourself into a corner if you want to get a project done. If your goal is to clean out the guest bedroom closet, invite company over (you want your friends and family to feel comfortable in your home, without having to move stacks and piles to find a place to sleep — and then there's the potential embarrassment if they were to see your mess!) Make a commitment to someone else — knowing that other people are counting on you is often just the little “push” you need to get moving.

And have you thought about finding an “accountability buddy” with which to work? This trick isn't just for the gym! Do you have a friend who can help out with some of your organizing projects? Who can make sure you set aside the time to sort and purge when you might not do it on your own? Two people will get more done in shorter period of time — and you will be less inclined to keep a bunch of junk you don't need with your best buddy asking why you're hanging on to it. Just remember that you will be expected to reciprocate when your friend gets ready to clean out. And if you can't recruit any free help, consider bringing in a Professional Organizer — someone who can be objective about your clutter.

Share Your Plans

The best way to make yourself accountable for accomplishing your goals is to tell other people about your plans. The minute you spread the word that you are working on a project, people become interested in your progress. “Hey, how are you doing getting that garage in order?” Every time you hear those words, one of two things will happen. Either you will feel inspired to dig back in and get to work — or you will feel lousy because you haven't made any progress. Option A gets you moving, while Option B tells you that something is out of alignment and lets you know that you need to re-evaluate and possibly adjust your goals. Either one is a step in the right direction.

But it's also important that you be accountable to yourself. Repetition is the mother of success, so you need to remind yourself of your goals everyday.  Pick your most important goal this year, and turn it into a one-sentence “mantra.” Your mantra should be in the form of an affirmation — a statement phrased as though you have already accomplished your goal (“I am the master of my time” or “I live in a clutter-free environment.”) Repeat this mantra first thing when you get up, last thing before you go to bed, when you are driving in the car, as you take a shower. Post sticky notes with your mantra on it around your home and office. Pretty soon, this will become your natural way of thinking — keeping you going when you run into a roadblock.

And don't forget that if you write a goal down, it is more likely to come to fruition. There is something about the act of putting your thoughts (any thoughts) on paper that makes you more committed to the outcome. You have invested time and energy writing your goals down — what a waste if you didn't actually go through with them (not to mention that it's wonderfully therapeutic to cross an item off of your list once you complete it!) The best thing about writing your goals down is that you have something physical to hold in your hand and refer back to when you need a boost. But this doesn't mean skimming the page and marveling at how many things you haven't done yet. You must also ask yourself some questions about each goal — why haven't I made more progress on this goal? What's getting in my way? Is this goal still important to me? If your priorities have changed, drop it from your list. You have enough important things to do — you don't need to sweat over not accomplishing an unimportant task.

Enjoy Your Successes

When was the last time you really acknowledged the fact that you accomplished an important goal? Too often, we simply charge into the next task on our list without really appreciating our achievements. Next time, spend a few minutes reflecting on your accomplishment — remembering the time and effort you invested and savoring the feeling of completion. This will refresh and renew your enthusiasm to continue on with your next goal. Without that moment of pause, you will eventually burn yourself out and lose all sense of motivation. There's is a lot of wisdom in the old idea of a “carrot and stick” — so remember to attach a reward to each goal as you make your plans for this year, something commensurate with the amount of work you will have to do to reach that finish line. And be consistent about rewarding yourself for every accomplishment, no matter how small. You deserve it!